\nI acknowledged their offer with grace (after physically recoiling in horror at their exorbitant rates!)<\/p>\n
![\"Patonga](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.onthewallaby.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/IMG_0796.jpg\")
<\/a>So I decided I might as well head straight to Mark\u2019s for the night (I was actually hoping for some decent sleep before the wedding proper, but shit happens, eh?).<\/p>\n
I think I was there for about ten seconds before I was down on all fours, playing Hungry, Hungry Hippo with Mark\u2019s two young fellas. Don\u2019t be misled \u2013 this is an extremely violent game \u2013 and please don\u2019t ever get yourself in a winning position with two animated young fellas, hell bent on kicking your arse!<\/p>\n
My next recollection is from the following day, when the rest of the boys arrived for pre-wedding rehearsals.<\/p>\n It was stipulated that part of the wedding party requirements was to perform a specific dance upon entry to the reception. We were all allocated an individual style \u2013 mine happened to be Gangnam Style! So for the pre-wedding night, we drank beer, played darts, watched footy and pretty much behaved ourselves. So in the end, if I recall correctly (given it was two years ago), there was myself, Mark\u2019s most beautiful daughter Ebony, Mark, Scott, Dean (Mark\u2019s best mate), Craig (Mark\u2019s brother), Dave (Kate\u2019s brother \u2013 who reminded me very much of the bearded Hangover dude \u2013 and a top bloke to boot), and David De Vries. Dave DV is another old Busby High dude. We\u2019ve been mates for 30 years. The official wedding ceremony was to be on the headland at Newcastle \u2013 only a few hundred metres from the resort we were all staying at, where the reception was to be celebrated shortly thereafter.<\/p>\n Before we left Mark\u2019s place \u2013 for the serious side of the wedding preparations, when we were all more or less hungover and confused, Dave enquires of me, in a deceptively harmless manner: You see \u2013 I\u2019ve been here before \u2013 so I booked ahead! So Dave says \u2013 \u201cThat\u2019s good mate. You mind if I stay with ya?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat!? Didn\u2019t you book a room?!\u201d Knowing Dave\u2019s extenuating circumstances in this case, I conceded \u2013 no worries mate. So we head off from Mark\u2019s Cessnock residence, to Noah\u2019s on the Beach Resort in Newcastle. The wedding party lads then headed to a nearby pub where they brew their own beer and provide decent meals (the pub \u2013 not the wedding party). We ate something and had a few drinks and some laughs.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n As a group, we were an eclectic conglomeration of body-types and personalities \u2013 we had the Lanky six-foot-five leviathan from Inverell, the clean-shaven, bull-necked portly guy, the rather girthy, greying groom, the groom\u2019s older brother \u2013 who appears to be getting younger each year, the stocky, bristle bearded brother-in-law and the pencil-necked, gel-haired best man. The ceremony on the hill was faultless \u2013 a magical view with a kind, cooling sea breeze maintaining everyone\u2019s comfort. I had never seen the bride looking more beautiful, and her supporting party followed suit \u2013 sparkling in elegant, off-the-shoulder cobalt blue dresses. (I know this because I once had a blue shirt, whose tag declared it \u201cCobalt\u201d \u2013 and it was almost the same colour as these dresses!).<\/p>\n I think the bride\u2019s dress was white.<\/p>\n We took a host of photos around the general area and then jumped into an old reconditioned Kombi and headed to a magnificent old stone church, where we took a few more photos (and an esky full of beer).<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When we once again arrived back at the Hotel, it was time for the reception \u2013 everyone else was already seated and well cheery by this stage. I guess few had retired to their rooms after the ceremony, preferring to mingle at one of the bars instead.<\/p>\n So it\u2019s time to enter, upon the formal announcement of our presence \u2013 and of course to perform our individually allocated dance routines. As I said \u2013 with things such as this, it\u2019s in for a penny, in for a pound! <\/p>\n Anyway \u2013 the big joke came down to the fact that the bride and groom didn\u2019t do a dance \u2013 they just entered in a respectable fashion and laughed at us for making fools of ourselves! The speeches were excellent \u2013 some bringing tears due to their heartfelt and honest nature.<\/p>\n A bunch of Kate\u2019s family did the super-hero act and ripped open their shirts to display a Newcastle Knights footy jersey beneath \u2013 much to Mark\u2019s disgust (being a fanatical to the point of lunacy, Rabbitohs supporter).<\/p>\n Some of the family took time out to catch the closing minutes of the Knights match on a small mobile TV. They seem obsessed with the Knights down that way for some reason \u2013 they\u2019re almost as bad as Queenslanders!<\/p>\n I ran into several of Mark\u2019s family who I\u2019d met on previous occasions \u2013 but failed to recognize here, so out of context! Some I\u2019d met camping out in the bush, some when they were merely kids and by now had grown into big men with wives and kids, and others I just hadn\u2019t expected to see. Anyway, a great time was had by all.<\/p>\n There was a huge round table with many of my old mates sitting around \u2013 Including my brother Al and his wife Candy, Lloydy and his wife Nic, Dave (who confided he had high hopes for a beautiful lady he\u2019d recently met in Adelaide), Derek and his missus Rochelle, Linda (Dean\u2019s wife) and a couple of others.<\/p>\n By this hour, we were all mingling and dancing and such \u2013 incidentally, have you ever noticed that all girls throw their arms aloft when they dance, reaching for the sky, and most blokes just swing theirs low, as though they are nonchalantly jogging through a park?<\/p>\n It was getting late by then and Dave had not mentioned sharing the room since earlier that morning. I began to assume he\u2019d sorted something with the Lloyd-Jones\u2019 or Mitchell\u2019s.<\/p>\n When wedding kick-out time approached, I was just about at the end of my tether \u2013 I\u2019d had enough to drink and couldn\u2019t wait to kick my boots off and lie down. Lloydy first had to get his Visa stamped by the missus, validating his permission to be out on the town without her, and just before they left, Dave confirms his accommodation for the night.<\/p>\n I say \u2018No worries mate \u2013 just call my mobile when you get back and I\u2019ll let you in\u2019<\/p>\n It must have been around two thirty, I\u2019m not sure \u2013 but there was a thunderous pounding on my door and a repeated bellowing of my name! I\u2019m guessing it must have been about two hours later (based solely upon the minimum time required to cause that level of damage). He does however, snore.<\/p>\n I\u2019m told that I do too on occasion \u2013 but I remain unconvinced. I took two steps and on about the third, I felt squelch, squelch, squelch… The carpet was all soaked for about two and a half metres outside of the bathroom!<\/p>\n I continued into the bathroom, with my hazy brain trying to make some kind of sense of the cold, wet carpet. Try as I may, I could barely get back to sleep \u2013 worrying about how the hell to explain (and pay for) this damage \u2013 in a room booked for one. Me!<\/p>\n As a group we\u2019d booked breakfast \u2013 and had to get the early sitting due to the large number of us. It was something like thirty bucks a head \u2013 which is a lot more than I usually pay for breakfast!<\/p>\n In the cold darkness, with Dave snoring contentedly beside me, I tried to work out how this could have happened?!<\/p>\n Granted \u2013 the shower floor only had a one inch step between it and the bathroom floor and from there, it was a free-for-all out onto the carpet. But when I had a shower earlier \u2013 this was not an issue \u2013 the water all just ran straight down the drain. When the sun finally came up and breakfast was calling, I got out of bed, wandered around to the big windows and whooshed the light-proof curtains across \u2013 the windows were all opaque – were all fogged up, from the floor to the ceiling!<\/p>\n Dave quips \u201cShe\u2019s a regular pea-souper out there\u201d.<\/p>\n Still largely unimpressed, I squelched my way across the room to check if the spillage had escaped our room. I showered and prepared for breakfast.<\/p>\n Dave asked how much he owed for staying in the room \u2013 I said \u2018Nothing at all mate for staying here \u2013 but I dunno what the hell they\u2019re gonna charge to clean up this mess \u2013 I\u2019m not gonna pay for that\u2019.<\/p>\n So I left the room and commenced squelching down the hallway toward the breakfast venue. She said \u2018Oh no. Is it bad?\u2019 She apologised and said \u2018Yes \u2013 this has happened before\u2019 It was with great concern over what the ultimate charge may be, that I proceeded to breakfast. I started to explain and both Linda and Nichole were near wetting themselves with laughter! It was the first time I had actually seen the funny side at all.<\/p>\n Dave eventually turned up for the thirty buck brekky special \u2013 which he hadn\u2019t ordered or paid for but enjoyed nonetheless.<\/p>\n With intent to avoid my room for some time, I walked down to the beach after brekky \u2013 I think initially with Linda and Dean? I said \u2018Why certainly not\u2019 and apologised again. I went up to Al\u2019s room and asked how they slept. They said \u2018Fine \u2013 except for some fucking idiot with a vacuum cleaner blasting past our door this morning!\u2019<\/p>\n It was about here that I really started to see the funny side. I think we all went for another walk along the beach before going back \u2013 I had volunteered to give them a lift to Newcastle airport in my hire car. The bloke was still at it with the hot air blaster in my room, so I stepped elusively past him and his machine, grabbed my bag and headed to my new, dry room.<\/p>\n I dropped Al and Candy off at the airport and returned to my room.<\/p>\n Dave was most concerned and sent several messages enquiring as to the damage and cost. I was in no hurry to hound staff for the final cleanup figure. The next day, I headed for the lift with my bag in tow, it opened up and the same bloke was there with another hot air blower. I smiled and nodded and let him past before I went down to face the damage.<\/p>\n The reception chickie says \u201cThanks for the key Steve \u2013 hope you enjoyed your stay. Sorry again for that mess with the shower. Please come back and stay again sometime\u2019<\/p>\n I smiled and said \u2018Thank you very much Christine \u2013 it\u2019s been a pleasure!\u2019<\/p>\n I threw my bag in the boot of the XR6 and texted Dave \u2013 \u2018It\u2019s all cool Brother \u2013 no charge!\u2019<\/p>\n ……..Dave later posts on Facebook from Adelaide, something like \u2013 \u2018Had a fantastic time at the wedding in Newcastle \u2013 except for that whole shower unpleasantness\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Novacastrian Nuptials \u2013 That Whole Shower Unpleasantness This episode took place a few years ago now, but I\u2019ll do my best to recall things as I saw them at the time….(and add some photos a little later). My mate Mark \u2013 who attended Busby High with my sister Kerrie many moons ago, and who was … Continue reading Novacastrian Nuptials – That Whole Shower Unpleasantness<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-378","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5K3B8-66","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/378","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=378"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/378\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":407,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/378\/revisions\/407"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=378"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=378"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onthewallaby.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=378"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a>
\nI am at heart a cynical bastard and subsequently questioned this specification at length!
\nI was assured that all was kosher (though I retained my suspicions).
\nDespite my reservations re the dancing requirement, I decided that if you\u2019re gonna do it at all, you may as well throw everything into it! So that was my plan.<\/p>\n
\nI was however most impressed with Scotty\u2019s catering performance. He baked a couple of chickens and a hunk of pork \u2013 which he pulled all apart, mixed up with some gravy and dished out on fresh bread rolls. It was superb!<\/p>\n
\nWhat with one thing or another, we all kind of slept at Mark & Kate\u2019s Cessnock pad that night.<\/p>\n
\nDave is probably the most well read man I have ever met. He can give you the history behind Rhodesia becoming Zimbabwe, Hitler coming to power, Dutch soccer stars, Ned Kelly\u2019s politics, Eastern Suburbs premierships, Pink\u2019s preferred lingerie, Indian Swami magic or how best to steam asparagus!
\nHe is also a very witty bastard, keen on amusing repartee.
\nEveryone loves The Dave.
\nSometimes though, Dave doesn\u2019t plan things out as thoroughly as he probably should.<\/p>\n<\/a>
\n\u2018Did you book a good room at the resort Stegga?\u2019
\nI replied in good faith, \u201cDunno mate. I just booked a room\u201d<\/p>\n
\nI booked two nights at the resort \u2013 based upon the expectation that I\u2019d be fairly incapacitated by hangover the day after the wedding. So I\u2019d put out the \u2018Do not Disturb\u2019 sign, so I could sleep the pain away for at least another day. (I\u2019m no Dummy!).<\/p>\n
\n\u2018Well, by the time I got around to it, there was only the penthouse available and it was like, three hundred bucks a night!\u2019<\/p>\n
\n\u2018I can\u2019t guarantee a bed or pillows or blankets and stuff mate \u2013 but you\u2019re certainly welcome to stay in my room\u2019<\/p>\n
\nDave was not part of the wedding party on this occasion, so I lost track of him \u2013 I booked into my own room \u2013 and a fine room it was too! A beautiful sweeping view of Newcastle beach, via floor to ceiling sliding glass doors, a nice TV, luxurious queen bed, a frigid air-conditioner and a fancy-dan bathroom and shower suite.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a>
\nWe were also joined by Mark\u2019s young fellas, Patrick and Nash, looking mighty dapper in matching suits.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a>
\nWe knew everyone would laugh \u2013 so you just rip in with great gusto. I was pretty much firing on all cylinders by this stage anyway \u2013 so, with my gorgeous partner Bridget in tow, I burst through the doors doing my best to emulate that chubby little Korean we\u2019ve all grown to love \u2013 Psy!
\nEveryone laughed at my dodgy Gangnam Style antics, as I\u2019d expected \u2013 but I will admit that I was pretty happy to be shown my seat and sit down! I can\u2019t even remember what the other dicky dances were \u2013 though I think Dean may have been Too Sexy for his Shirt?<\/p>\n<\/a>
\n(Unfortunately I\u2019ve done things in my life for which I am far more embarrassed than that little jig! But it was a good trick nonetheless).<\/p>\n<\/a>
\nI\u2019ve always had trouble placing people out of their natural habitat \u2013 and dressed formally (and behaving respectably).<\/p>\n<\/a>
\nAl and Candy hadn\u2019t seen Dave or Lloydy for several years and were all stepping high and in no mood to cease the partying just yet! So they decided to head out in search of a kick-on venue.<\/p>\n
\nI yelled out \u201cOkay \u2013 I\u2019m coming. Take it easy\u201d
\nThe pounding and bellowing continued till I made it to the door and opened it up to see my idiot, rollicking brother laughing uproariously, his wife close behind in a glassy-eyed giggle and Dave standing tall.
\nI just muttered something like \u2018Fughhh……\u2019, pushed the door open so Dave could enter, then turned around and headed for bed.
\nI pointed to the floor between the bed and the glass doors and said \u2018There\u2019s a couple of pillows there \u2013 there\u2019s no mattress and I dunno about blankets\u2019.
\nDave thanked me very much and said how much he appreciated the offer and assured me he\u2019d be fine now.
\nI passed out again….<\/p>\n
\nI felt my blankets being dragged off me \u2013 toward the window….
\nI look up startled \u2013 What the F…..
\nDave has snuck in the other side of my bed and is covering himself with my blanky!
\nThis is not really an issue \u2013 I\u2019ve known him for years and I\u2019m really confident that I\u2019m not at all his type.
\nNot only that, he is of very slender build and takes up no room at all \u2013 I dare say, if it were long enough \u2013 Dave could sleep quite comfortable on an ironing board.<\/p>\n
\nSo after many celebratory drinks earlier and my new bed-mate snoring next to me, I thought I\u2019d best take the opportunity for a comforting wizza. So up I hopped and off to the ensuite……<\/p>\n
\nWHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED HERE!? I spluttered.<\/p>\n
\nI stood there and noticed \u2013 drip, drip, drip \u2013 something raining down upon my head, from the blank ceiling no less!
\nI turned the light on and the entire room was dripping with water \u2013 some kind of condensation!!! EVERYWHERE \u2013 It looked like someone had lost control of a fire hose! There was water pissing down the walls, dribbling from the ceiling, down the mirror, basin and throne! All over the floor and about nine square metres of carpet wringing wet, squelching between my toes at each step.
\nI had a wiz and went back to bed \u2013 Dave stirred \u2013 so I enquired \u2018What the fuck happened in there?!\u201d
\nHe said \u2018I had a shower\u2019, and went back to sleep.<\/p>\n
\nThe possible scenarios that I came up with were that firstly Dave got freezing cold \u2013 not having any blankets, with the aircon blasting polar air all round the room. So I\u2019m not sure if he just had a shower to warm up and mistakenly stood on the drain hole \u2013 which you would surely notice before too long. Or he attempted to steam the whole room warm by letting the hot water run unchecked \u2013 this would explain all the condensation in the bathroom. Or perhaps he was having a nice hot shower and just slinked down to the floor and lie in the foetal position as the hot water rained down upon him?
\nI don\u2019t suppose the \u2018how\u2019 really matters \u2013 it\u2019s like a Scooby Doo ghost \u2013 there is probably a perfectly reasonable explanation for it, but in the end, the mystery merely adds to the tale.<\/p>\n
\nI opened the door and noticed the wetness had made its way about four metres down the hallway, past the next guys entry door.
\nAs a courtesy to guests, this fab hotel had supplied the daily newspaper \u2013 which they slip strategically under your door.
\nMine was approximately an inch and a half thick \u2013 all swollen and waterlogged \u2013 (the paper that is) – perhaps Dave had been reading it in the shower? Who knows?<\/p>\n
\nI fronted the reception desk on the way \u2013 looking mightily sheepish I imagine and I explained to the chickie:
\n\u201cGood morning \u2013 how are you today?\u201d
\nShe said she was fine and asked how I was?
\nI said \u201cWell I\u2019m very well thank you \u2013 it was a lovely wedding last night! ……….Just on that \u2013 after the wedding was over, a mate asked if he could use my shower \u2013 which I said would be fine.
\nNow….there was a bit of an issue with the water from the shower spilling over onto the carpet a bit\u201d<\/p>\n
\nI said \u2018Well it\u2019s not good\u2019
\nShe said \u2018Are you able to step over it for a while until it dries\u2019
\nI said \u2018Not really. I think you may need to get one of those wet & dry vacuum cleaner things up there\u2019<\/p>\n
\nI wasn\u2019t so sure about that \u2013 she hadn\u2019t seen the extent of the dampness and I\u2019d kind of undersold the entire situation.<\/p>\n
\nI grabbed some tucker and joined the crowd \u2013 they said \u2013 \u2018How was your night?\u2019
\nI shook my head and said \u2018You\u2019ve got no friggen idea!\u2019
\nThen it was \u2013 \u201cWhy, what happened?\u201d<\/p>\n
\nAfter a while, my mobile rang and it was my brother Al. He\u2019d seen me sitting on the beach via binoculars from his balcony. He says come up to our room for a chat \u2013 they had a late-exit deal and were flying back to the Goldy in the arvo.
\nGoing back past the reception and the chickie calls me over and asks if it would be too inconvenient for me to take a new room for tonight \u2013 as they had a hot-air-carpet-blower in my room at the moment?<\/p>\n
\nI got upstairs and there was a dude vacuuming the hallway and another bloke with a huge blower, working overtime inside my room.<\/p>\n
\nI said \u2018Yeah \u2013 that was Dave\u2019, and proceeded to tell them the story \u2013 and they nearly p1ssed themselves as well!<\/p>\n
\nPretty much everyone else had left by this stage, as they had to be out by ten am and many had to return to Sydney.<\/p>\n
\nAfter all my forward planning and best intentions for a sensible sleep and recovery session, I still found myself buggered early in the evening of the second day \u2013 so I bought a twenty-nine dollar room service chicken schnitty and crashed at about seven PM.<\/p>\n